Stress Reliever # 1

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, “What other problem can there be greater than this one?”
_____________________________________________________________________

Stress Reliever # 2

Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It’s very kind of you, darling, but I don’t have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that’s because we aren’t married yet.
______________________________________________________________________

Stress Reliever # 3

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy’s lap.
______________________________________________________________________

Stress Reliever # 4

Wife to husband: “What’s your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?”
Husband to wife: “Golfing with friends, my dear.”
Wife to husband: “What?  At 2 am? ”
Husband to wife: “Yes, We used night clubs.”
______________________________________________________________________

Stress Reliever # 5

A newly married man asked his wife, “Would you have married me if my father hadn’t left me a fortune?”
“Honey,” the woman replied sweetly, “I’d have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE”
______________________________________________________________________

Stress Reliever # 6

Father to son after exam: “Let me see your report card.”
Son: “My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.”
______________________________________________________________________

Stress Reliever # 7

” How was your blind date? “a college student asked her roommate.
” Terrible!” the roommate answered. “He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce.”
Wow! That’s a very expensive car.  What’s so bad about that? ”
“He was the original owner.”
______________________________________________________________________

Stress Reliever # 8

A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word “beans”..
“My father grows beans,” said one student.
“My father cooks beans,” said another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: “We are all human beans.”
______________________________________________________________________

Stress Reliever # 9

Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire? ”
Millionaire: “I owe everything to my wife.”
Interviewer: “Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her? ”
Millionaire: “A Billionaire”
______________________________________________________________________

Stress Reliever # 10

Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I’ll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.
______________________________________________________________________

Stress Reliever # 11

A husband was asked: “Do you talk to your wife after sex?”
He replied: “Depends, if I can find a phone.”
_____________________________________________________________________

Stress Reliever # 12

Man to wife on wedding night: “Are you sure I’m the first man you are sleeping with?”
Wife replied: “Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others!”
____________________________________________________________________

Stress Reliever # 13

“Why did they stop printing PAMELA ANDERSON stamps in the U.S.?”
Answer: “Because people started licking the wrong side.”
____________________________________________________________________

Stress Reliever # 14

A wife asked her husband: “What do you like most in me
- my pretty face or my sexy body?”
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: “I like your sense of humour.”
___________________________________________________________________

Stress Reliever # 15

Doctor to his lady patient: “You look terribly weak and exhausted! Are you having your meals three times a day as I have advised?”
Lady replied: “Doctor, I thought you said three males a day.

.

 SubscribeThis

Posted by pandora-eye | 1 Comment »

A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.

Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answers: “Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?”
The husband laughs and says: “An Italian girl !!!”
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks: “So, honey, how was the trip?”
“Very good, thank you.” “And, what happened to my present?”
“Which present?” She asked.
“The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!”
“Oh, that” she said
“Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for nine months to see if it is a girl !!!”

Moral of the story: Don’t tempt a woman, they are far too intelligent!

.

 SubscribeThis

Posted by pandora-eye | No Comments »

If you are wondering, that person ain’t me! I won’t be so desperate till become like that… no no no.

This guy maybe is someone you know…

..

.

Or maybe this guy is you!!

 SubscribeThis

Posted by pandora-eye | No Comments »

I have been awake for the whole night. Unable to get myself to bed because of the excitement. I believe some people will have this so called ‘CannotSleepAtNightDueToExcitementphobia’, right? I just made this name up or do there really have a proper name for such symptoms? haha.. nvm….

So got myself to read some forums…… and post some jokes which I got from there…

1.
A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.

“I’m sorry, sir, but I am blind and can’t read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I’ll smell it and order from there.”

A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man’s table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. “Ah, yes, that’s what I’ll have — meatloaf and mashed potatoes.”

Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner’s wife. He tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves.

Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again. “Sir, remember me? I’m the blind man.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t recognize you. I’ll go get you a dirty fork.” The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.

After another deep breath, the blind man says, “That smells great. I’ll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli.”

Walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he’s going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves.

He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, “Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man.” Mary complies and hands her husband the fork. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.

“Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you.”

The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff, and says, “Hey I didn’t know that Mary worked here…”

2.
Wife: Do you want dinner?
Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
Wife: Yes and no.

First Guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!! ”
Second Guy: “You’re fortunate, mine’s still alive.”

Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me.
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born.

Question: Why did you throw the butter out of the window ? Answer: I wanted to see a butterfly.

 SubscribeThis

Posted by pandora-eye | No Comments »

Got it from forums

Teacher: History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what had happened in the past.
Student: Please teacher, I don’t think I want to study history.
Teacher: Why?
Student: There is no future in it.

Teacher: Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?
Ted: $10.
Teacher: You don’t know maths.
Ted: You don’t know my father!

Mother: David, come here.
David: Yes, mum?
Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David: But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
Mother: I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am scolding you now.

Father: Why did you fail your mathematics test?
Son: On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8
Father: So?
Son: On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8.
If she can’t make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?

A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates, then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father.
Daughter: It’s mummy!
Father: How do you know?
Daughter: She didn’t say anything.

Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love

Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born

Waiter: I’ve stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog’s leg.
Customer: Don’t tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.

Teacher: Simon, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your
brother’s. Did u copy his?
Simon: No, teacher, it’s the same dog!

Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That’s why I say she’s no good!

Teacher: “Where were u born?”
Student: ” Singapore , Sir.”
Teacher: “Which part?”
Student: “All of me, Sir.”

A teacher was asking her class: “What is the difference between ‘unlawful’ and ‘illegal’?” Only one hand shot up.
“Ok, answer, Joan” said the teacher. “‘unlawful’ is when u do something the law doesn’t allow and ‘illegal’ is a sick eagle.”

Teacher: “How come you do not comb your hair?”
Ah Kow: “No comb, Sir.”
Teacher: “Use your dad’s then.”
Ah Kow: “No hair, Sir.”

A boy came home from school with his exam results.
“What did u get?” asked his father.
“My marks are under water,” said the boy.
“What do u mean ‘under water’?”
“They are all below ‘C’ (sea) level”

 SubscribeThis

Posted by pandora-eye | No Comments »